The other night my wife and I were heading back to the bedroom with our pack of four small dogs. Our Pekingese grabbed one end of a foot-long chewing stick and marched down the hall with it pointing straight forward.

“Oh look, he’s a narwh— uh, a nar-whale. A narwhal?” I had remembered something about Narwhals from my early days, but couldn’t remember if it was real or a mythical creature. Not even sure why it popped into my head in the first place. I probably should have said “unicorn” instead.

My wife was correctly baffled and asked what on Earth I was talking about. I fumbled a response, babbled a bit, then vaguely trailed off. Never mind. It’s not really a joke if nobody gets it.

We watched a couple shows then turned on a random Colbert Report episode from earlier that week. At the end of a segment about a show called Eaten Alive where no one was actually eaten alive, Colbert dropped gratuitous Narwhal reference.

It’s true, there is no better way to bring attention to the Amazon rainforest than to cover yourself with pig’s blood and climb into a snake’s mouth. I mean, you see that, and you think, “Man, we gotta save those trees.” Just like the best way to save our oceans is to put on some flippers and bone a narwhal. I gotta tell ya, not easy in such cold waters.

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…Is this your card?